(The Stolen Diary) (Over songs and mindlessness)
And then one day X got very angry with Y and she would not say. Y asked. Assumed. That she was upset. She was hurt. She wouldn't speak of it. But when Y smiled, she smiled along. And the smile hurt, as smiles often do; and the smiled veiled. As always.
X wanted to believe in those smiles. X wanted to smile a smile that wouldn't hurt. X prayed for a miracle. X wished for a genie. But genies don't come in little bottles, as genies often don't. X looked elsewhere too. Everywhere. She couldn't find the genie who could get her an appointment with the boy next door who cried at nothing, whom the random little girl might have known many years ago or many years hence.
X wished to say. She decided she would let her heart speak her mind. She left a note for Y. Y allowed an appointment. X could no longer speak her heart, for her little heart only choked her while she stifled its voice. The random little girl could demand to speak to the little boy next door anytime. She had the right to do so. He could cry at nothing before her when his heart permitted. But X didn't know Y. Y was another boy, perhaps living next door, whom she could never read out her heart to.
X was not angry with Y. X was not hurt. X was not indifferent. X wished away stray thoughts strewn all across the day. Because X did not have the required permissions in Y's mind; X was not the random little girl to Y. And then, X couldn't find the boy next door who cried at nothing.
P.S.: (Over songs and mindlessness) "Bas itni si / Tum se guzaarish hai / .. Yeh jo baarish hai, dekho na / Yeh jo baarish hai / Iss mein teri baahon mein marr jaaun / Bas itni si, chhoti si / Ik khwaish hai"
X wanted to believe in those smiles. X wanted to smile a smile that wouldn't hurt. X prayed for a miracle. X wished for a genie. But genies don't come in little bottles, as genies often don't. X looked elsewhere too. Everywhere. She couldn't find the genie who could get her an appointment with the boy next door who cried at nothing, whom the random little girl might have known many years ago or many years hence.
X wished to say. She decided she would let her heart speak her mind. She left a note for Y. Y allowed an appointment. X could no longer speak her heart, for her little heart only choked her while she stifled its voice. The random little girl could demand to speak to the little boy next door anytime. She had the right to do so. He could cry at nothing before her when his heart permitted. But X didn't know Y. Y was another boy, perhaps living next door, whom she could never read out her heart to.
X was not angry with Y. X was not hurt. X was not indifferent. X wished away stray thoughts strewn all across the day. Because X did not have the required permissions in Y's mind; X was not the random little girl to Y. And then, X couldn't find the boy next door who cried at nothing.
P.S.: (Over songs and mindlessness) "Bas itni si / Tum se guzaarish hai / .. Yeh jo baarish hai, dekho na / Yeh jo baarish hai / Iss mein teri baahon mein marr jaaun / Bas itni si, chhoti si / Ik khwaish hai"
posted by the transient twilight @ 3:42 pm
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